10/29/26 - Family caregiving, a magazine's perspective, and meeting people too late

Good afternoon!

There's an odd group of links for today. But each of these three got me thinking in very different directions than thought when I first saw them. I hope they pique your interests.

My mother is my caregiver and we're mad at each other. WYD?

Emily Flores, Cr*ipple Media - August 15, 2026

"Did the last argument you had with your mom happen while she was cleaning your genitals? If so — lucky for you, ours did too. Elusive as it may be, mother and child relationships are often rife with heated moments for everyone, from simple misunderstandings to slammed bedroom doors, especially in adolescence ... When you depend on your mom to survive though, it’s a bit more complicated to navigate."

This is something that has always troubled me about people with significant disabilities relying on family to provide everyday personal care. While many disabled people have not practical, financially sustainable choice but to rely on family, a lot of us would vastly prefer to manage and receive care from family, from the people closest to us, if we could. But others feel exactly the opposite. We would much rather hire a stranger than have to depend on a parent, husband, or wife for basic personal assistance. And it's not always necessarily because of bad relationships with family. Often this preference for "anyone but family" is precisely because we want to maintain good relationships with family, which can be harder to do when an employer/employee, caregiving/physical dependence relationship is in the mix.

Personally, I would much rather get care from a stranger, (or rather a stranger at the start), than someone I know and love. And I used to think that was the best choice for all disabled people. Now, I'm much less certain about it. I have the same concerns. But from both an emotional and practical standpoint, I see the wisdom, and often the necessity of embracing family caregiving. This article provides some good advice on how to make it work.

In Gabe Kavookjian’s Life, Most People Are the Same. But Not Him.

Ryan D'Agostino, Esquire - October 19, 2026

"He is the only person walking along the road, so there’s no one to compare himself with, none of the people who are all the same. Most people are the same as one another, which makes Gabe different. On this road he sometimes even forgets, but only for a few seconds. He thinks all the time about the fact that he is different. It’s stuck inside him—that’s how he puts it. He thinks about it in the shower, he thinks about it while he’s watching Indiana Jones movies, and he thinks about it while he’s cooking eggs on the stove, which he is getting better at. 'Sssomeone told me that before,' he says, the S sound extending for a syllable. 'That I’m different. Down syndrome is not a sickness. There’s no vaccine for it. If there was, I would take it.'"

I saw this and it triggered a kind of curiosity that comes up for me now and then. I wonder how certain kinds of mainstream newspapers and magazines might handle the task of doing an in-depth disability story for a general audience. Take Esquire for instance. That's certainly a particular type of magazine. How does it do in trying to describe the life an adult man with Down syndrome? My very superficial take? It reminds me of how quickly and easily a smile can turn into a cringe – and how often that happens with searching, in-depth, emotions-bared articles about people with disabilities. Click, read, and let us all know what you think! Email comments at: apulrang@icloud.com.

In Memoriam: Becky Ogle

Jim Ward, The Coalition for Disability Rights and Justice - October 21, 2026

"From our founding 25 years ago to her passing this week, Becky was a colleague and a friend. She understood that a movement needs many voices, but it also needs people who hold the rhythm steady—who keep everyone connected, moving, and accountable to one another. Becky was one of those people ... She taught a generation that power in this movement was never about the size of the building or the operating budget. It comes from the truth, fast communication, and relationships that hold."

Important, wonderful people in disability culture keep dying. And I keep on meeting so many of these people by their obituaries and comments on social media from people they worked with. In other words, I keep meeting them too late. On the other hand, 40 years ago most of us wouldn't have known about people like Becky Ogle at all. The internet certainly isn't all many of us hoped it would be, even for disabled people. But, it has brought us closer to each other in at least some meaningful ways – while at the same time widening that circle of acquaintance and connection.

Disability Thinking Weekday is a Monday-Friday newsletter with links and commentary on disability-related articles and other content. You can help promote Disability Thinking Weekday by forwarding it by email or posting on your social media. You can also send comments by email to: apulrang@icloud.com. Collected comments are shared around the start of each month. A free subscription sends a newsletter to your email each weekday. Benefits of a paid subscription also include:

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